National Poetry Month - Robin Hemley

From our Spring/Summer 2009 issue (vol. 6/1), Robin Hemley's charming "Rejected Book Ideas":


Rejected Book Ideas


For a year, I'll wear one sock inside out.
For a year, I'll eat only Bibb lettuce.
For a year, I'll pretend I'm invisible.
I'll speak with a fake French accent for a year. The Year of Speaking
      with a Fake French Accent.
I will pee sitting down for a month--The Month of Peeing Sitting Down.
I propose becoming a serial killer for a year. For each murder, I'll use
      a different instrument of death, starting with an imitation of
      Lizzie Borden's axe murder of her parents. My parents are dead
      already, but I'll substitute the parents of my editor or agent.
I will be a prostitute for a fortnight. I will lie down with as many men
      and women as possible during that time and I will tell their
      untold stories. The working title will be The John Voice Project.
I won't look for trouble, but if I find it, I'll be ready. I will call this
      book, Ready for Anything! or Come What May! Which do you prefer?
I will have my hair cut, one hair at a time, buy a thousand hair stylists
      around the world. Naturally, we must call the book From Hair to
      Eternity. And each book sold will come with a souvenir hair.
I will travel around the world in a baby carriage. No one has yet
      done that.
Or none of these. I might just write a book by hand on moth wings.
      This will be my memoir. But you will need to bend close as I write
      or I will be lost to you forever.